Janya

I hate feeling down. Yet, when nigt falls and sleep is far from your reach, it comes over you as a blanket too tightly woven. Leves you without air, oxygen running out, your thoughts clogging up and nothing is rational, all is feelings...
Horrible, horrible ones.

I don't want to love, or maybe I do but not now, not in this time. I don't feel like loving you, you've hurt me so bad ad you don't seem to care, you do nothing to make things right agian, and she doesn't care either. I don't want to love you, I don't want to care at all and my actions and my words follow my want. After all these years...

Different people, different wants and feelings, rational, irrational, suffocating...
I worry for you all the time, but I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about what you are going through, night as well as day... I have a hard time sometimes; you always. And I love you much, and I want to turn thiings right, but even if i could turn back time I'm standing clueless as for what I would have done, could have done, anyone ould have done... Come back, like it used to be when we were younger, children playing and everything was good...

I miss you. You knew me, understood me... and it was easy with you...

We hurt, get hurt, and carry on.
I just want to be alone

With the lonliness comes the thoughts, and once again I find it hard to breath. But I need to be by myself.

It's ok. During the day. Theatre is my life, my energy. And that is a good thing. My life is normally this awesome part I'm playing.

Wow. If it wasn't so late, and therefore mitigating my care, it wouldn't be here.