Janya

Wow, this day sure rushed by!
I'm currently at work, bedtime soon. I've been moving from A to B teh whole day, and I still feel alive! That's the benefit of actually going to bed before 11 pm...

Even though there are so many "musts" going on, I feel pretty good. Started this new course, entrepreneurship, and its a lot of fun! And even if this weekend sure gave me some unpleasent surprises, the shock has somewhat settled and I'm focusing on getting things done. After all, I have wonderful friends, a job that i LOVE (and a sister that I can share my bitching with, if I by any chance wouldn't be in great humor at work) and after all - fall is falling, and with it comes candles and pillows and long long movies :)

Life from the bright side...

It should be against the law to blog when its 3 am and your far from stable. Still, writing helps releasing the pressure, the tension, and becomes like a sort of free therapy. Especially since you don't know if anyone is actually reading this; you might as well be writing just for yourself.

I ran in to a very special person tonight. And it might have hurt us both. Either way, it didn't have a good outcome, and now I feel so blue. It would be ok as long as I knew that you were doing good, but I don't. Who knew it would be this hard?

I want you to know how much you mean to me, but I can't find the words to describe ot....

Just one sentence, a picture... a "congratulation" or a comment said without harm, and it makes me want to hit the person who just said it. Stupid people, don't take for granted that I'm happy. You wouldn't have been, either.

Enough with the bitterness. Except a thing or two (maybe three) everything is fantastic. Work - great. School - interesting. Friends - the best.

What right do I have to complain? Its just that I can't shake of the fury...

Finally, my roomie came home!
Feels like she's been gone forever! On the other hand, I haven't been home so much either, so I guess it was a good week to be gone!

Tomorrow its work work work the first half of the day, then meeting up with maria for a little bit and then more work!
Finally me and Anna-Maria are going to have the Oficial Meeting - planning for the future of Teater Aros! Yeye!

Vill så gärna skicka ett mess och berätta hur fin du är. Att jag tänker på dig och saknar dig. Men vi är starka, vi kan gå vidare. Så jag låter bli. Men vet att jag är så tacksam för hur snäll du är, att du finns med på ett hörn ändå. Sov så gott...

... so I found this artist, which is completly new to me: Lily Allen. And she is great! Just the name of her album; it's not me, it's you! Love it! Exactly my type of chill-out music!
What else is new? Not much, I'm working now and tomorrow I have a killer day that starts at 8 am and ends at 8 pm, with a LOT of transprtation in between... but i'll be fine, I always am!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Qa28ZrHPcc&feature=fvst

I woke this morning and everything just felt like... well, bad. Isabel was in town, so she forced me to come out which was a good thing. After a good meal and some sun (imagine!) it felt better. I came home, cleaned, did some laundry and well, it helped too. A friend and colleague came over, and we did our nails and talked, it was really nice.

Its just that I can't stop thinking about... her...
If there is someone you love so much, that is in so much pain, its like every second you don't fight to make her feel better adds to the guilt you are carrying. I want to help more...

Så fort jag umgås med dig så snurrar tankarna runt runt...
Det är så svårt att låta bli, men samtidigt känns det mindre klokt att låta bli att låta bli...

Yesterday a friend of mine gave me this disc. It contained a bunch of pictures taken in 2006, when me and my friend did a photoshoot. I looked so young! Real fun to see those frames :)

Today I've been a really good girl - I cleaned the apatrment and got some stuff in order, and then I went to the gym and worked out!! second day in a row! Congrats to me :)

I just got home... many social activities today, my sisters birthday party, a housewarming party and a corridor party. And then off to a club only to drop off a key to my roomie. Ant then my sweet friends gave me a ride home.

The only thing, though...
I feel lonely.
I wish ceasar was here... and maybe someone else too.

It sucks when you miss so much and can't take action.

If you bite your teeth together really really hard, you can't say a word. So if you are afraid of what might come out, just shut your teeth together. It might hurt a little bit, especially if you accidently got your tounge stuck in between, but at least you won't hurt somebody else with your words.

I heard Simon Garfunkel denied the rights for a play titled "the sound of silence". It's a theatre in Riga that has been touring with it, and were going to perform it in Stockholm. The music of Simon and Garfunkel plays a crucial part to the developement of the story, and somebody notified the original producing company.

So no more play, at least not in Stockholm.
Pity.

Ok, so I'm trying to map out what kind of litterature I need for this semster. It is not an easy thing to figure out when the teachers doesn't put down when we need said literature!

I am very excited about this semster, and I think it will be great.
Very very busy, but great :)

And its only the first half that is hectic. The second half will be much slower :)


Let's have some busy fun!

Just got back from my friends house. It's really nice sometimes to just be able to bitch about reality. Parts of it are just so messed up. Like you wanna cut it all off, move across the ocean and be totally oblivious to what used to be home. That would be... lovely.

On the other hand, I really love my job. I got two new students today, so I'm really excited about that.
And I'm going to see my fair lady september 3. That should be really fun.
And Sama got home today! She's been living in Syriah for 8 months, working at the swedish ambassy. Such a hot shot, my friend ;)

Well, I'm off.

Today started off as not so great. Missed the train to Stockholm at 10.09 I was going to take (Yes, I stod behind the freaking lattice barrier and saw the train leaving.) So then I decided to take the local train - guess it wasn't meant to be, since the door closed and the train left as I walked up to it. Awsome. So THEN I decid to take the bus, which would leave at 10.30. I ran to the stor eto buy a ticket and then back. Waiting. Waiting some more. Realize the bus at 10.30 doesn't run on tuesdays!!! So I had to wait until 11... What a great start!!!!

After having a few emotional breakdowns I finally get on the bus and on to Stockholm, fix my errands, meet up with my bundis and the back to Uppsala and work.

I got three new students today, which I'm very excited about!! After work my sister comes home with me, and I help her making highlights. We had so much fun!!!!

I love you, little sister, don't forget that when I embarrase you in front of your friends! ;)





Me and Marielle on Chris' graduation party

I feel so weird... Like a part is missing, from time to time. I'm not sad, really, I'm just... empty. I wish, i really wish, things were different. Sometimes it's hard to not pick up the phone. But promises are promises, and need to be kept. Let it rest, m dear, just let it rest...

Tomorrow I'll go to the University of Stockholm to register for a theatre course. I'm excited to take it, it should be very interesting. Too bad my best friend won't live there anymore, it could have been a really nice semester if she did. Well, you can't have everything, at least I got much more than nothing.

If only I didn't feel o weird. Scared.

This time, I'm not sure of what to write. Yesterday was tough. I hurt somebody who doesn't deserve it. A person who only deserves the good thing in life, because you should get the same you give. Happiness. Love. Comfort. And I can't offer comfort, or happiness, or love... not now, even if I really wish I could.

I wish I knew this path I'm walking on... I wish I knew where it would lead to.

This freaking restless feeling, when you just land and the only thing on your mind is that you want to get back up.

I love it here. My wonderful friends, more than friend, siblings, parents, my apartment... everything is so great, and I just got the perfect job. So why can I not let that be enough? Why can't I just settle down and enjoy life?

That next trip, kick, excitement is too strong... My longliving dream, the magic, that vein of creation and longing for the stage is too strong, and I can't feed it enough here... I need to go back! I must find a way, even though it is inconvinient, even though there are so many "but"...

Just one more year. Then maybe I'll know....

It's so hard to leave a place where you've been so genuinly happy.
Where memories lingers that always make you smile. A place of such joy, intensity and FUN!

Of course, you who know me knows perfectly well what place I'm talking about. What other place could it be than Chico? College life. Crazyness. Friends. And hard work, late nights and new knowledge. The lengths I would go through to relive that year. Or just this last week. You must know, all of you, that you've had a great impact on my life and my heart. I wish I could just freeze time and return to the exact same place whenever I can. Not grow older. Live in my own Utopia, with all its imperfectness but nevertheless perfect for me.

I will never forget. Anything of it all.

With Love